I had the most manic day at work yet. I made a bad mistake. I was feeling sentimental and put in Barry Manilow's Greatest Hits on the way, "This Ones For You" to be exact. As I pulled into the parking lot I had to dab my watery eyes. What was I thinking? However, I pulled myself together, caus' that's what I do! Ok, the real reason for my melancholy mood was that I had successfully pushed yet another guy away, one that I might really like. Dammit. I was pushy, agressive and a bitch. I think I ended the message with "see ya around sometime, maybe." I knew that I had really fucked up this time. I was playing a game, but I don't even know why.
Anyway, the day proceeded well at first. I put in some disco compulation CD's to enhance my mood! I made customers smile and my girls laugh. I asked the girls to give me three words to describe me, and several times the word "neurotic" came up, so it bacame the word of the day. I looked it up and this is what it said, "A class of functional mental disorders involving distress, but neither dulusions or hallucinations, wherby behavior is NOT outside socially acceptable! Also, uses ego defense mechanisms and borderline personality disorders with symptoms including anxiety, aggressiveness, sadness, depression, anger, irritability, impulsive and compulsive acts, obsession, habitual fantasizing and socio-culturally inappropiate behaviors! WOW, I was nailed to the cross!
I managed to make it through the day, after snapping at Goose, and holding back tears by the time I left. When I got home, my son had just gotten picked up by his dad to spend the first night over with him and Bambi. I had tenative plans to go out to a wine bar with friends. I logged onto FB because I had an apology to make again. I told Steven that I was sorry for acting so "neurotic" lately. He messaged me back and somehow we made plans for me to come over, to have sex, or course! I said I would get ready and see him in an hour or so...then I paniced...wow, was I really going to do this again!
I called him on the way because I had gotten off the wrong exit. He then asked me to pick up some pepperoni bread sticks! Ok...but whatever...sure, no prob. When I arrived we went to the couch, ate and watched some wierd show till we started rubbing on each other. (Oh, I forgot there was another condition-that we don't drink). We were going to have sober sex. Which we did next. It started on the couch, then we moved to the bedroom. We had great sex, took a shower, came back out to the living room, watched some more TV, made cookies, cuddled and wet to bed, with the dog! I slept good. I went home at 10am, got ready, and went to work with a big smile...:)
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