Woke up for absolutly no reason at 4:30am and was wide awake. I was watching TV and then the phone rang at 5:15am! It must be an emergency or a wrong number, right? No, it was "drunk guy"! (I remembered I gave him my number before I realized he was crazy). He wanted to know if he could come over. Hell no! I'm not that crazy (and he still sounded drunk! Now that guy has problems!)
I got my son ready for school, and me for work. The day went fast and pretty productive. I shared my "high" of the weekend with the girls at work. My husband texted me to meet him for coffee at 6pm, after work. What did he want? Just to see me and talk, or a divorce...I arrived right before 6pm and he already had coffee for us. He asked for a smoke, which was fine with me, because I definitly needed one too. He looked good. My heart didn't hurt. I think he had already broken it into too many pieces.
We talked and talked. I could tell it was hard for him. He looked sad, but said he was happy. I was confused as usual. We smoked and talked and actually had to walk next door to the liquor store to get more smokes; then inside to get more coffee. I didn't tell him I had been with someone else, but he just knew. He hadn't gone to work today either. He also said that yesterday had been a terrible day; That when I texted him in the morning and said "I was officially not mad at him anymore", that he knew, and it killed him, even though he was now living with and fucking someone else! I explained that I didn't do it to hurt him-that I did it for me, to help me get over him. I hadn't been with anyone else in 16 years! (By the way, I havn't even heard from Martin, which is really no surprise).
You could tell neither one of us really wanted to leave, but eventually we had to. My son had called twice by now, and I told him I was having coffee with his dad, and that I would be home soon. We ended on a good note. I told him I was happy for him if this is what he wanted. We hugged and even gave each other a little kiss on the lips. I was learning to let go...
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
A Tale of Sex & Lust- Rebound Style!
Well it was a long weekend. Where to begin...Saturday morning my mother in law came over to pick up my son. I went to work and was so excited to go out; I couldn't wait to get through the day. Finally it came. I grabbed some coffee, went through the bank, and picked up supplies at the liquor store, and headed home. I pumped up the music, made a few calls, had a snack, grabbed a glass of wine, and colored my hair-blond. Blondes have more fun right? (and let me tell you- they do; I mean I did!)
I headed over to my friend Gooses' house (my wingman for the night)! We cracked open a bottle of chard and drank it before heading to the club. We arrived around 11pm. The music was pumping and the place was jumping. LOL. We grabbed a drink and found a spot outside by the water. Shortly later, a friend of Gooses' from high school stopped by the table and ended up staying. A little while later, a guy we referred to as "drunk guy" came over. We had spent several long moments gazing into each others eyes. He said "I'm bad", and I said "I know".
It seemed like an eternity until our other friends arrived. Finally, the real party had started. The time flew by and before we knew it the bar was closing. I invited everyone back to my house execpt "drunk guy"-thank God! Poor guy, I don't even know how he got home. (he had asked for a sip of my wine and he drank the whole thing! Which was probably better for me, since I still had to drive home).
We escaped to the parking lot and broke up into groups. We arrived back at my crib, LOL, and I put on some music, and conviently had a 12 pack of beer and a couple of bottles of wine, that I had picked up earlier at the liquor store. One of our friends had some vodka, and I made everyone shots, explaining that I used to be a bartender. They were pretty good too!
Sometime during the night, I was over at my computer to play a song, when who was right there-Martin, Gooses' friend. He kissed me passionately and electric sparks went through my whole body. It happened several more times through out the rest of the night. Finally our other friends said they had to go home. I pleaded "Why"? They explained it was after 3am! Wow!! That left only Goose, Martin and I. Soon, Goose, who was pretty drunk, got obnoxous and slapped Martin, for what reason I do not know! Martin got pissed off, and I said we would take her home. He said to stay here, and he would take her home. I knew he would be back though, and I was so horny. And you know what? I was right. I had started to get ready for bed and before I knew it, he was back. Horny too I guess! We started kissing right away-the sparks were back. I had no fear, no remorse, it was like "Who are you"? to myself! We went straight to my bed, the one I had shared with my husband for so long. Clothes flew off, we kissed and licked each others bodies. He asked me if this was ok. I assured him that it was. He seemed concerned about protection, and I remembered that I had one condom that my brother had sent to my 12year old son! (Which I had confiscated immediatly before he knew about it). I remember my husband had freaked out about it, and I am surprised he never asked me what I did with it. (I kept it in the zipper part of my purse for an emergency like this one thank God)! Funny, Martin did ask me how old it was. LOL. (I have no idea really!)
We proceeded to explore each others bodies and have passionate sex untill we passed out about about 5am, I think. I woke up about 9am and he was gone- but I felt ok about it, and actually, I felt great! Just what I needed...I was surprised that he didn't leave a note or anything. I didn't even know his last name. So on Monday, I went on FB to see if he was a friend of Gooses', but no luck. So I just simply searched his first name, figuring a million would come up, but there he was! He had FB friend requested himself from my computer so I could find him. Creative, ingenuous- I loved it! WOW!
I headed over to my friend Gooses' house (my wingman for the night)! We cracked open a bottle of chard and drank it before heading to the club. We arrived around 11pm. The music was pumping and the place was jumping. LOL. We grabbed a drink and found a spot outside by the water. Shortly later, a friend of Gooses' from high school stopped by the table and ended up staying. A little while later, a guy we referred to as "drunk guy" came over. We had spent several long moments gazing into each others eyes. He said "I'm bad", and I said "I know".
It seemed like an eternity until our other friends arrived. Finally, the real party had started. The time flew by and before we knew it the bar was closing. I invited everyone back to my house execpt "drunk guy"-thank God! Poor guy, I don't even know how he got home. (he had asked for a sip of my wine and he drank the whole thing! Which was probably better for me, since I still had to drive home).
We escaped to the parking lot and broke up into groups. We arrived back at my crib, LOL, and I put on some music, and conviently had a 12 pack of beer and a couple of bottles of wine, that I had picked up earlier at the liquor store. One of our friends had some vodka, and I made everyone shots, explaining that I used to be a bartender. They were pretty good too!
Sometime during the night, I was over at my computer to play a song, when who was right there-Martin, Gooses' friend. He kissed me passionately and electric sparks went through my whole body. It happened several more times through out the rest of the night. Finally our other friends said they had to go home. I pleaded "Why"? They explained it was after 3am! Wow!! That left only Goose, Martin and I. Soon, Goose, who was pretty drunk, got obnoxous and slapped Martin, for what reason I do not know! Martin got pissed off, and I said we would take her home. He said to stay here, and he would take her home. I knew he would be back though, and I was so horny. And you know what? I was right. I had started to get ready for bed and before I knew it, he was back. Horny too I guess! We started kissing right away-the sparks were back. I had no fear, no remorse, it was like "Who are you"? to myself! We went straight to my bed, the one I had shared with my husband for so long. Clothes flew off, we kissed and licked each others bodies. He asked me if this was ok. I assured him that it was. He seemed concerned about protection, and I remembered that I had one condom that my brother had sent to my 12year old son! (Which I had confiscated immediatly before he knew about it). I remember my husband had freaked out about it, and I am surprised he never asked me what I did with it. (I kept it in the zipper part of my purse for an emergency like this one thank God)! Funny, Martin did ask me how old it was. LOL. (I have no idea really!)
We proceeded to explore each others bodies and have passionate sex untill we passed out about about 5am, I think. I woke up about 9am and he was gone- but I felt ok about it, and actually, I felt great! Just what I needed...I was surprised that he didn't leave a note or anything. I didn't even know his last name. So on Monday, I went on FB to see if he was a friend of Gooses', but no luck. So I just simply searched his first name, figuring a million would come up, but there he was! He had FB friend requested himself from my computer so I could find him. Creative, ingenuous- I loved it! WOW!
Sunday, June 26, 2011
The Longest Week Ever...
Tues:
What can I say it was a hard day. I couldn't focus and emotions were running rampant. I wasn't surprised when my sons' school called, but it made me mad at my husband. How could he do this to us-his family? We love him, we need him...Yet he seemed so cold and aloof, like it was just another day, and everything is ok. Maby it is for him because he has someone else sucking his dick! I don't even know this chick, but I have NO respect for her, or anyone who would invite a married man to come live with her. Bitch, Cunt, Whore! Need I say more...
Wed:
I was so tired. I went to bed about midnight. I had only 1 glass of wine and fell asleep fairly easily. I awoke about 4:30 am-I was cold and had to pee! I got back in bed ASAP, but had trouble falling back to sleep. I started to think about HIM. How he was up, and getting ready for work. Would THEY ride together today? When I finally fell back to sleep I had a bad dream. I dreampt that my husband and I were going somewhere, and he stopped to introduce me to "Bambi". He said "You will just love her, she is so sweet." I freaked out in my dream when I saw her. Like love at first sight, it was hate! I threw a glass of wine, then myself on the ground and started to sob. I arose when my son woke me to help him get ready for school. Wow, and the day had just started...
Thur:
Ok, I was feeling much better today. The anger had subsided and the sadness too. I felt alive, like myself again. Almost like a weight of MY shoulders. I got up at 6:30am, which isn't as bad as I once thought. I listened to music, excercised, and talked on the phone to friends. I did wake up at 3:30am, 4:30am, 5:30am etc, but I guess that is to be expected. Writing my thoughts and talking about it to friends has helped. I've learned you can't keep everything in side and be ok...
Fri:
Got up early-was tired though-cleaned up, ran errands and went to work. When I got home, I freaked out for a second. My husband had left me a Mothers Day card; But that's not the reason. The reason was, because I had been thinking about getting a tatoo of a sunflower and a bumblebee, and when I opened the card that's exactly what was on the front of it! Is he psychic? Could he still read my thoughts so strongly? Wierd! Other than that it was a pretty good day; I was busy at work and had coffee on break with a friend who had stopped in to see me. I went home, tried to eat some of the dinner I had made and got ready for bed... for tomorrow night would start the first night of my exciting new life as a single woman!
Tune in, you won't want to miss this one! I promise...
What can I say it was a hard day. I couldn't focus and emotions were running rampant. I wasn't surprised when my sons' school called, but it made me mad at my husband. How could he do this to us-his family? We love him, we need him...Yet he seemed so cold and aloof, like it was just another day, and everything is ok. Maby it is for him because he has someone else sucking his dick! I don't even know this chick, but I have NO respect for her, or anyone who would invite a married man to come live with her. Bitch, Cunt, Whore! Need I say more...
Wed:
I was so tired. I went to bed about midnight. I had only 1 glass of wine and fell asleep fairly easily. I awoke about 4:30 am-I was cold and had to pee! I got back in bed ASAP, but had trouble falling back to sleep. I started to think about HIM. How he was up, and getting ready for work. Would THEY ride together today? When I finally fell back to sleep I had a bad dream. I dreampt that my husband and I were going somewhere, and he stopped to introduce me to "Bambi". He said "You will just love her, she is so sweet." I freaked out in my dream when I saw her. Like love at first sight, it was hate! I threw a glass of wine, then myself on the ground and started to sob. I arose when my son woke me to help him get ready for school. Wow, and the day had just started...
Thur:
Ok, I was feeling much better today. The anger had subsided and the sadness too. I felt alive, like myself again. Almost like a weight of MY shoulders. I got up at 6:30am, which isn't as bad as I once thought. I listened to music, excercised, and talked on the phone to friends. I did wake up at 3:30am, 4:30am, 5:30am etc, but I guess that is to be expected. Writing my thoughts and talking about it to friends has helped. I've learned you can't keep everything in side and be ok...
Fri:
Got up early-was tired though-cleaned up, ran errands and went to work. When I got home, I freaked out for a second. My husband had left me a Mothers Day card; But that's not the reason. The reason was, because I had been thinking about getting a tatoo of a sunflower and a bumblebee, and when I opened the card that's exactly what was on the front of it! Is he psychic? Could he still read my thoughts so strongly? Wierd! Other than that it was a pretty good day; I was busy at work and had coffee on break with a friend who had stopped in to see me. I went home, tried to eat some of the dinner I had made and got ready for bed... for tomorrow night would start the first night of my exciting new life as a single woman!
Tune in, you won't want to miss this one! I promise...
Friday, June 24, 2011
Doomsday...
As anyone who knows me knows, I do not give up that easily! As ridiculous as this sounds, my husband told me I wasn't passionate enough-sexually, and as a last ditch effort, I tried to show him my true lust and passion. We had hot, steamy, shower sex- and you know what? The next morning he said to me "You know this doesn't change anything"! Mother F'er! Later that day I told him if he felt that strongly about "Bambi" (close to her real name by the way) he should probably go move in with her. I just didn't think it would be the next week!
As the final day approached, I said to him, "Do I want you to leave, NO, but I am NOT going to stop you if this is truly what you want; However, I will wear my ring today, and if you are wearing yours' when I get home, I will take it as a sign of hope, if not, then I will know for sure it is over for good...but I will always love you in my heart forever..."
So, no real surprise, I arrived home from work and he was NOT wearing his ring. A feeling of cold numbness ran through my veins. Another part of me died that day... I left him this note:
"Ok, you gave me no sign, I've poured out my heart, gave you every possible chance to change your mind, yet you still turn down my love (and sex)-so I guess I've said everything I want to say, and still you want to walk away from everything you love-because of me...that hurts, but I won't waste anymore of your time, or my breath on you. You are FREE to go do anything you choose; It just won't include me. Like I said before, I love you too much to just be your friend -it will be easier that way...I'm sorry it has to be that way -it just does...I can't help you mourne over me. If your not going to be a part of my life-I have to go live mine..."
As the final day approached, I said to him, "Do I want you to leave, NO, but I am NOT going to stop you if this is truly what you want; However, I will wear my ring today, and if you are wearing yours' when I get home, I will take it as a sign of hope, if not, then I will know for sure it is over for good...but I will always love you in my heart forever..."
So, no real surprise, I arrived home from work and he was NOT wearing his ring. A feeling of cold numbness ran through my veins. Another part of me died that day... I left him this note:
"Ok, you gave me no sign, I've poured out my heart, gave you every possible chance to change your mind, yet you still turn down my love (and sex)-so I guess I've said everything I want to say, and still you want to walk away from everything you love-because of me...that hurts, but I won't waste anymore of your time, or my breath on you. You are FREE to go do anything you choose; It just won't include me. Like I said before, I love you too much to just be your friend -it will be easier that way...I'm sorry it has to be that way -it just does...I can't help you mourne over me. If your not going to be a part of my life-I have to go live mine..."
Thursday, June 23, 2011
Who, What, When, Where and Why?
Just to keep myself in check, and because one sees better in retrospect, I will stay a little behind real time in my story. This way no one gets their feelings hurt in the heat of the moment. Also, like any
good TV show or "reality show" the end has already been filmed long before you or I know the
outcome! In this case I'll know; But you'll have to wait and see, like your favorite soap opera!
I probably need to give you a little more background info leading up to doomsday...
Starting from early in the year I had been under a lot of stress at work. Everyone was on my ass and
I had a lot to prove; Which I later did, but it wasn't easy. At home, I thought everything was ok.
Everything seemed pretty normal. What I didn't know was that my husband was becoming emotionally
involved with someone else! Yep, you heard me right! I had sat night after night listening to his BS
about work, hours and hours about martial arts and God knows what else. Then I noticed he wasn't listening to me though. Then I really got a clue when he stopped calling me on his lunch break, but
would call me or text me right after! At home he was so nice! He would bring me coffee, make me
breakfeast, cut me roses from our garden, etc. I was so confused...My husband was acting like a
"Stepford" husband! Now I'm sure yor're wondering that all important question, "were we still having sex?" , and the answer is Yes; But it was somewhat disconnectesd and not as frequent.
Finally, over a game of Scrabble, I asked him about "her". He told me everything, like a weight off his shoulders... I felt dead inside, like a zombie, I couldn't even cry...I had devoted my life to him, and
on that day he killed my love for him...:(
good TV show or "reality show" the end has already been filmed long before you or I know the
outcome! In this case I'll know; But you'll have to wait and see, like your favorite soap opera!
I probably need to give you a little more background info leading up to doomsday...
Starting from early in the year I had been under a lot of stress at work. Everyone was on my ass and
I had a lot to prove; Which I later did, but it wasn't easy. At home, I thought everything was ok.
Everything seemed pretty normal. What I didn't know was that my husband was becoming emotionally
involved with someone else! Yep, you heard me right! I had sat night after night listening to his BS
about work, hours and hours about martial arts and God knows what else. Then I noticed he wasn't listening to me though. Then I really got a clue when he stopped calling me on his lunch break, but
would call me or text me right after! At home he was so nice! He would bring me coffee, make me
breakfeast, cut me roses from our garden, etc. I was so confused...My husband was acting like a
"Stepford" husband! Now I'm sure yor're wondering that all important question, "were we still having sex?" , and the answer is Yes; But it was somewhat disconnectesd and not as frequent.
Finally, over a game of Scrabble, I asked him about "her". He told me everything, like a weight off his shoulders... I felt dead inside, like a zombie, I couldn't even cry...I had devoted my life to him, and
on that day he killed my love for him...:(
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
The Beginning of the End...
Ok -To be perfectly honest my online flirtations started innocently way back in January;
long before my husband and I were officially broken up. I was feeling lost, bored and unloved.
I started to obsess about this guy/boy at work. He was only 22 (not 27 btw, different guy)!, but
God he was Hot! However, he knew it, and so did everyone else. He was the quiet, mysterious,
bad boy type. (Tatoo's and all!) When I saw him at work all we would say was "hi". I "friended"
him and we had some pretty innocent flirtation primarily on my part. He even "unfriended" me
once due to the fact I called some girl he had slept with a slut; But I was probably just jealous it
wasn't me! We" refriended" on my part again, but later I " unfriended" him, when he got "in a relationship". I am happy for him and hope everything works out.
I am thankful for the experience and do not regret it. He was the first person to help me through
the end of my marriage, simply by always replying to me. That simple, he made me feel...
not alone...
long before my husband and I were officially broken up. I was feeling lost, bored and unloved.
I started to obsess about this guy/boy at work. He was only 22 (not 27 btw, different guy)!, but
God he was Hot! However, he knew it, and so did everyone else. He was the quiet, mysterious,
bad boy type. (Tatoo's and all!) When I saw him at work all we would say was "hi". I "friended"
him and we had some pretty innocent flirtation primarily on my part. He even "unfriended" me
once due to the fact I called some girl he had slept with a slut; But I was probably just jealous it
wasn't me! We" refriended" on my part again, but later I " unfriended" him, when he got "in a relationship". I am happy for him and hope everything works out.
I am thankful for the experience and do not regret it. He was the first person to help me through
the end of my marriage, simply by always replying to me. That simple, he made me feel...
not alone...
Monday, June 20, 2011
Introduction to my new crazy life as a single woman in the 21th century...
What I'm about to tell you is highly confidential and private information. If you choose to read this you will be a voyer into my life..
I am going to give you some background info first. I have now been single/ seperated from my
husband for 54 days. I have been married for 15yrs and with him a little over a year before that. I
can honestly tell you that during that time I was never with another person sexually. Now, only less
than two months later I have been with two people and am having an ongoing sexting relationship
with a 3rd person, who is 15yrs younger than me! Yeah, WOW, I know right! I feel the same way
as you-crazy I know...
So, let me say, I have a lot to tell you. I have also learned so much about myself and men over these past two months. Almost like a social experiment. The guys I mentioned are 27, 35, and 40! Plus I messaged and texted several other guys from online dating sites.
I will tell you how I met each of these guys, how it is going and where it leads to; Caus God knows right now I am as clueless as you are as to what will happen next!
Time will tell...Tune in soon...:) CC
I am going to give you some background info first. I have now been single/ seperated from my
husband for 54 days. I have been married for 15yrs and with him a little over a year before that. I
can honestly tell you that during that time I was never with another person sexually. Now, only less
than two months later I have been with two people and am having an ongoing sexting relationship
with a 3rd person, who is 15yrs younger than me! Yeah, WOW, I know right! I feel the same way
as you-crazy I know...
So, let me say, I have a lot to tell you. I have also learned so much about myself and men over these past two months. Almost like a social experiment. The guys I mentioned are 27, 35, and 40! Plus I messaged and texted several other guys from online dating sites.
I will tell you how I met each of these guys, how it is going and where it leads to; Caus God knows right now I am as clueless as you are as to what will happen next!
Time will tell...Tune in soon...:) CC
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